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Balanced Discipline 1 – Is There Such a Thing?

What’s the most effective and peaceful method to discipline children?  There seem to be parents who still hold with the “spoil the rod, spoil the child” philosophy, happily hitting, beating and smacking their child, justifying this behavior by quoting the Bible.  On the other opposite end, there are parents who refrain from having any level of accountability or responsibility requirement for their children, nor do some of these parents hold their children to any decent standards of behavior.

Both of these polarities can have dire consequences for both the children and parents, as well as the world.  We all have to be accountable for our thoughts, language, behavior, and the consequences of our actions or inactions.  Nobody gets a free ride, as we are all here to evolve.

Clearly, every child is different, requiring unique approaches.  Also, every child needs parental attention, love, care, and understanding.  When parents refuse to deal with their kids, hoping that somehow, magically, their kids will “do the right thing,” and that no one should ever tell them (the parents) anything negative about their children, these very parents are living in a fantasy.

Moms, Dads, ask people who see your kids in settings where you are absent — as in school, other people’s homes, the playground, sports, after-school programs — how your children behave, and how these other people perceive your children.  Regularly, speak with your child about how life is going for them.  Refuse to accept a grunt as an answer.

Hitting, beating, smacking, any corporeal punishment teaches that might makes right, that physical violence is acceptable under certain circumstances, that bullying has a place.  Being hit is demeaning.  Yes, some kids may stop their inappropriate behavior, yet what has that child learned?  Has that child learned why their behavior had been objectionable?  Has the child learned how to self regulate?  Does the child maintain self respect?

Being hit harms a child’s sense of self, has the child think less of her or him self.  When a parent, supposedly a person who loves a child, then physically hurts that child, the child can get an internally twisted idea of live, even if the child has the intellectual and emotional capacity to distinguish punishment from loving actions.

Start early, when your child is a toddler.  TALK to your child.  Explain why certain behavior is acceptable, while other actions are unacceptable.  Have the child think about this.  Perhaps, the child can draw a picture, act out a scenario, or see something on a good video or child TV show that will demonstrate the lesson you are in the midst of teaching.  Time out is also good.  Taking away or awarding privileges are effective techniques.

As a parent, be sure what you require of your child is age appropriate.  A foolish parent will expect a child in a high chair to eat with the manners of a cultured adult.  This child will sometimes play with her or his food.  This is okay.  Yes, I know, some parents require strict obedience and adherence to adult etiquette, even, for example, the parent, speaking in a very stern harsh tone to the child, then turning the child and high chair to the wall, rather than facing and participating with the family.    This kind of behavior, for example, needs to be avoided, as the child can get nervous about ever pleasing this parent.

Balanced Discipline 2 – Is There Such a Thing? will give 7 ideas you can implement in your home with children of various ages.

What are your thoughts?  What are your experiences?

May you have a blessed day with yourself, your children, your mate, your world!!!!

Love,

MamaHeart

Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com

Audrye@TheMothersManual.com

1.888.757.3223 or 1.888.75 PEACE

 

Healing 3 Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

What can a mom or dad do to earn being called a “monster” or “poisonous”?

 

Let’s look at Seven Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

 

1.  The Bully Mom or Dad

This is the parent, who, even with the best of intentions, forces her or his child to do what s/he wants exactly in that moment.  “Eat your food now!!!! Everyone is waiting for you to finish!!! You are holding up everyone being ready to leave for the movies!!!”  Any of this said with a threatening tone to a child in a high chair or to a toddler, even if Mom or Dad is on her or his seeming last nerve, can absolutely be termed a bully parent.

 

Will the child comply?

 

At some point, yes, so the parent can justify her or his behavior, with the proverbial, “See?  It worked!  Now my daughter (or son) is behaving nicely.  I was right to do what I did.”

 

A better approach is to find out why the child is resisting or refusing to do what is requested.  Also, for Mom or Dad to examine their request, determining if the request is required to be completed at that very second, if there’s another way to speak to the child, if there’s something going on within the child that needs to be addressed.  None of us operate solely on the surface.  Babies, toddlers, children operate on many levels, including when they are preverbal.

 

2.   The “Ridiculing” Mom or Dad

 

“You are being ridiculous wearing that outfit.  You look like an idiot!” says a seemingly well-meaning parent, in her or his zeal to have their offspring look good, in their eyes, and what the parent takes to the eyes of their friends, workers, neighbors, society.

 

“Everyone is able to run at this age.  Why are you so slow?  Are you just stupid?” jeers another parent to her/his child, in the parent’s effort to get his/her child up to speed, in the parent’s world overview.

This type of behavior absolutely undermines the child’s sense of self, as well as invalidates the child’s progress.  Yes, we can all feel impatient with ourselves, our children, society, anything.  This is less than no justification to mock or ridicule a child.  This can also be seen as an aspect of the bullying parent.

 

If you find yourself doing any of this — and the best of parent can slip sometimes — immediately rectify it.  Apologize to your child for your words, attitude and behavior.  Let your child know you love him/her, and that you, too, are constantly learning.  Then find a more enlightened way to express what needs to be done.  If you need help, read www.TheMothersManual.com or attend the Enlightened Mom Teleseminar series and Enlightened Mom Coaching Program.

3.  The “Impossible-to-Please” Mom or Dad

I will take this right out of my own life.  When I was a child, I earned report-card grades in the 90s in all my subjects.  My mom would see this, and, though she said, “Good work,” she then added, “Why don’t you get higher?  Is this the best you can do?”  This was said in less than an approving, loving voice.

 

This may have stimulated another kind of child, encouraging her or him to work harder.  For me, however, I felt that my mom would never be satisfied with what I did.   I needed some acknowledgment and validation.  What happened was that as I got older, I felt my mom had no concept of what I did, what it tood for me to do any of what I did, and that she had no sense of how to actually encourage.

 

Of course, this stemmed from her upbringing where she was belittled and made to feel less-than from her mom.  She never “worked on” this, and continued this behavior with her children, thinking that she was doing a great job.

 

So you know, before my mom left the Earth, she and I had more than made up, forgiven ourselves and one another for our sometimes clashing behavior.  I love her and treasure her.  That little Scorpio Dragon was a great “adversary” who taught me how to deal with challenging people.

 

Any of us can fall into these three categories.  Any of us can still be feeling the effects of these and other categories of “Monster” Mom or “Poisonous Parent.”   If you would like more tips on how to heal from what you experienced from your Mom, and to avoid perpetuating this pattern, contact me at 1 888.757.3223 or 1 888.75 PEACE.  Also, www.TheMothersManual.com.

 

To have peace on the planet, we start at home, within ourselves and our families.

 

Many Bessings & Love,

 

MamaHeart

Audrye

 

Why Do Some Moms Bully and Push Their Kids Too Much?

     I just read about one of the “reality show” moms pushing her six-year-young daughter to practice her dancing until this child cried in utter exhaustion and overwhelm. 

    Why do some moms do this?

    This is poor mothering.  Is it the mom who wants to succeed in whatever she is shoving her child to excel at?  Usually, yes, absolutely. 

    Often the mom — or dad — who unceasingly and uncaringly rides her child beyond the child’s capacity, is someone who lacks love for herself.  Often, this kind of mom is feeling deficient in some area.  Yes, the mom may say she wants the best for her child, that no one supported her (the mom) so she (the mom) is being supportive of her child.  This is a smokescreen for callousness.

   It is vital that we moms encourage our children.  It is imperative that we moms recognize the talents, abilities, tendencies of our children, and empower our children to realize the fruition of their gifts.  As well, as good moms, we also help our children with their challenges. 

    To work a child — or anyone — till that child is exhausted and spent physically and emotionally is both physical and emotional abuse. 

    Whether on a reality show or in “real” life, this is obvious.

    Yes, every person has her or his own breaking point, and mom has to be astute enough to avoid confusing true encouragement with abusive bullying.

    When mom, or the “star” of a reality show, or anyone else is the bully, we have to call it what it is.  Child abuse.  Bullying.   Disparaging a small one so the adult “looks good.”  In actuality, the adult, the ostensible grown-up, actually looks pathetic, forceful, manipulative, dominating, cruel, unfeeling, and a host more.

     This differs greatly from mom or a teacher being lax, careless, lazy, overly permissive. 

     Teaching a child internal discipline so the child innately looks to excel is what’s needed.  This is better accomplished by encouragement, discussion of what can be done better, accountability, love.  Seemingly torturing a child in the name of love or encouragement is a mega lie to good parenting.

     This confusion is part of what leads to emotional chaos in a person’s life.  Also, deep within herself, a mom knows when she has pushed her child too much.  If the mom is unaware of this, this mom needs professional counseling. 

      All of us benefit from transformational, evolutionary, energy, psychological work.  To avoid getting this is both foolish and dangerous.

     Be a loving, encouraging, creative, enlightened mom, causing evolved kids.  Require the best your child can give.  Reward your child for every step she or he takes.  Give them challenges, some of which are within their grasp, some of which are a true reach.  Allow your child to know success and “failure,” meaning not quite making the mark.  We all have to know how to deal with this.  This way the child learns that she or he can “fold,” and then pick her (or him) self up and go again.

     These are vital life lessons.  Everyone benefits from learning them.  It is ongoing.

    Have a blessed New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Audrye
MamaHeart

Transformation Catalyst, Author, Clairvoyant Consultant, Spiritual Therapist, Healer, Health & Wellness Coach, Enagic Kangen (R) Water Distributor, BlogTalkShow Host, Artist, and, definitely, Mom and Grammie

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To Spank or Not to Spank? Just say NO to Spanking!

What do you think of parents slapping their kids? Do you believe in corporal punishment?  Do you hit your child?

It is inappropriate to slap, spank or hit a child.  Speak to your child, explain what’s needed and wanted for the child.  Stop the objectionable behavior, use positive reinforcement, and give at least 10 yes’s to each one no.  Have the child know she or he is still a good person.  Spare the rod, without spoiling the child.

When a parent, whether mom or dad, spanks her/his child, the parent teaches the child that hitting, bullying, violence is the way to do things.  The child learns to be manipulative and to have lower self-esteem, and feels demeaned, less-than.  Why is this?  The child was disrespected by the parent who is supposed to love the child.  This also teaches great confusion about what love is and what love does.

The child may or may not stop the objectionable behavior, not because the child learned anything but because the child prefers that the slapping or nasty verbal language and tone coming from the parent be stopped.  So, if the child has to agree with the parent, the child often will do so.  Did this mean the child learned the lesson the parent meant to teach?  No.

Have I ever hit a child? Yes. Also, afterward, I felt I was the one who made the mistake. Always.  It was a bigger lesson for me than for the child, the few times in my life that I did it, spurring me to grow spiritually.  I also apologized to the child, and explained what needed to be done.

Where are you with this?  Where are you with “spare the rod and spoil the child”? For me, it’s ridiculous. Once at a lovely event, another mom and I had a difference of opinion about this, she feeling that because the Bible ostensibly taught this, she was totally justified to smack her daughter when her daughter misbehaved.  In fact, she felt I was disparaging of her religious beliefs because I told her the Bible was written in a patriarchical age by men who often had a dominating controlling mentality.  She was in a huff.  I maintain there are better ways.

Sparing the rod and finding more enlightened ways to teach one’s child by and large brings forth a healthier child.  Yes, absolutely, discipline your child.  Be appropriately firm yet loving.  Refrain from slapping, hitting, whacking, smacking.  This means you are out of control, especially if the parent does this when the parent is angry. This is one of the reasons we still have war.

See more on Kindle and Nook with THE MOTHER’S MANUAL, A SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL GUIDE TO CHILD REARING AND MOTHERHOOD.. Just put the name in.  The entire book is on Kindle at

Check out article @http://www.everydayhealth.com/kids-health/0807/parents-spank-slap-kids-in-public-more-often-than-thought.aspx?xid=aol_eh-news_9_20120806_&aolcat=HLT&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk1%26pLid%3D189608

Put your comment here….

Lots of Love,

MamaHeart
Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
www.Audrye.org
www.GoddessHeartWater.com

www.TheMothersManual.com
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