Get Adobe Flash player

frustration

Healing 3 Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

What can a mom or dad do to earn being called a “monster” or “poisonous”?

 

Let’s look at Seven Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

 

1.  The Bully Mom or Dad

This is the parent, who, even with the best of intentions, forces her or his child to do what s/he wants exactly in that moment.  “Eat your food now!!!! Everyone is waiting for you to finish!!! You are holding up everyone being ready to leave for the movies!!!”  Any of this said with a threatening tone to a child in a high chair or to a toddler, even if Mom or Dad is on her or his seeming last nerve, can absolutely be termed a bully parent.

 

Will the child comply?

 

At some point, yes, so the parent can justify her or his behavior, with the proverbial, “See?  It worked!  Now my daughter (or son) is behaving nicely.  I was right to do what I did.”

 

A better approach is to find out why the child is resisting or refusing to do what is requested.  Also, for Mom or Dad to examine their request, determining if the request is required to be completed at that very second, if there’s another way to speak to the child, if there’s something going on within the child that needs to be addressed.  None of us operate solely on the surface.  Babies, toddlers, children operate on many levels, including when they are preverbal.

 

2.   The “Ridiculing” Mom or Dad

 

“You are being ridiculous wearing that outfit.  You look like an idiot!” says a seemingly well-meaning parent, in her or his zeal to have their offspring look good, in their eyes, and what the parent takes to the eyes of their friends, workers, neighbors, society.

 

“Everyone is able to run at this age.  Why are you so slow?  Are you just stupid?” jeers another parent to her/his child, in the parent’s effort to get his/her child up to speed, in the parent’s world overview.

This type of behavior absolutely undermines the child’s sense of self, as well as invalidates the child’s progress.  Yes, we can all feel impatient with ourselves, our children, society, anything.  This is less than no justification to mock or ridicule a child.  This can also be seen as an aspect of the bullying parent.

 

If you find yourself doing any of this — and the best of parent can slip sometimes — immediately rectify it.  Apologize to your child for your words, attitude and behavior.  Let your child know you love him/her, and that you, too, are constantly learning.  Then find a more enlightened way to express what needs to be done.  If you need help, read www.TheMothersManual.com or attend the Enlightened Mom Teleseminar series and Enlightened Mom Coaching Program.

3.  The “Impossible-to-Please” Mom or Dad

I will take this right out of my own life.  When I was a child, I earned report-card grades in the 90s in all my subjects.  My mom would see this, and, though she said, “Good work,” she then added, “Why don’t you get higher?  Is this the best you can do?”  This was said in less than an approving, loving voice.

 

This may have stimulated another kind of child, encouraging her or him to work harder.  For me, however, I felt that my mom would never be satisfied with what I did.   I needed some acknowledgment and validation.  What happened was that as I got older, I felt my mom had no concept of what I did, what it tood for me to do any of what I did, and that she had no sense of how to actually encourage.

 

Of course, this stemmed from her upbringing where she was belittled and made to feel less-than from her mom.  She never “worked on” this, and continued this behavior with her children, thinking that she was doing a great job.

 

So you know, before my mom left the Earth, she and I had more than made up, forgiven ourselves and one another for our sometimes clashing behavior.  I love her and treasure her.  That little Scorpio Dragon was a great “adversary” who taught me how to deal with challenging people.

 

Any of us can fall into these three categories.  Any of us can still be feeling the effects of these and other categories of “Monster” Mom or “Poisonous Parent.”   If you would like more tips on how to heal from what you experienced from your Mom, and to avoid perpetuating this pattern, contact me at 1 888.757.3223 or 1 888.75 PEACE.  Also, www.TheMothersManual.com.

 

To have peace on the planet, we start at home, within ourselves and our families.

 

Many Bessings & Love,

 

MamaHeart

Audrye

 

A Good Mom Knows When to Get Support

   A good mother knows when to ask for support.  This is before any crisis occurs.  Everyone has to know when she (or he) has taken on more than she can handle.  We all get signals within us, whether a feeling of dizziness, a stomachache, lack of sleep, overscheduled days, the Inner Guidance (different from the chattering internal dialog) or what-have-you.

   Good moms want the best for their children.  In the case of the Newtown, CT, tragedy, there were signals throughout this young man’s life that he needed more help than his mother could give.

    Was it appropriate that the young man’s brother was “supposed to” be his brother’s caretaker?  Only up to a point.  All persons have to have the opportunity and possibility of living their lives, especially as a youngster.  All siblings are meant to help one another, definitely.  This is different from one sibling being responsible for another one, especially if the one needing help has a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual dysfunction.  Dysfunctionality requires expert open-hearted competent help.

    When individuals or a group are always silent, refusing to express their feelings, needs, opinions, desires or anything germane to who they are, this is generally a signal that something is askew.  Often, this lack of response signals that energy is building up, as in a pressure cooker. Without a proper means of release, this energy can — and often may — explode.

     Just as overly angry, aggressive, resentful, dominating, manipulative people have to learn how to better manage their emotions and deal with the underpinnings of what is truly going on within them, so, too, do people who hide everything inside without sharing anything anywhere with anyone.

     It is tragic that this young man, likely with his mom’s best intentions, did not get the help he needed.

     To have him living in a household rife with guns, plus bringing him to a shooting range, was incredibly foolish.   Perhaps target shooting was his mom’s way to release her own stress.  Perhaps she thought target shooting gave her some control over a tenuous challenging home situation. If these were some of her motivations, she was also acting out, rather than doing her internal work.

    Both people needed help.

    Neither got what they needed.

    This is something for all of us to look at within ourselves, our families, our lives. 

    Be sure you get the support you need.  Ask.  Ask.  Ask.  Find people who are competent to help you.  Be willing to give back.  Create a barter.  Find what you can give or share that will benefit the other person or someone else.  Life is an exchange of energy.

    Also, Rather than taking on everything possible, instead take on a moderate amount of “stuff” to do in your life.  Do what you have to do as well and completely as you can.

    The energy of the times is that of flux, transformation, evolution, where each and every one of us is called up to be responsible for our own lives, while also being supportive of one another’s growth.

    Be wise in your choices. 

    Much love in the New Year!!!!

Love,

MamaHeart
Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.Audrye.org
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
www.GoddessHeartWater.com

www.facebook.com/TheMothersManual

1 888 757 3223    1 888 75 PEACE

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.GoddessHeart.org
www.AudryeNow.tv
www.Achee.org
www.AudryeOmArt.com
www.twitter.com/Audrye22
www.facebook.com/Audrye
www.myspace.com/Audrye22
www.linkedin.com/in/Audrye
www.ecademy.com/user/AudryeArbe
www.ecademy.com/blog/AudryeArbe
www.ConsciousLivingSpace.com/profile/Audrye
Also, WeTheWorld, eWomanPower, more

GoddessHeart Speaks!

FREE

SIGN UP Today and receive The Mothers Manual SAMPLER!!!

By signing up you will also be subscribed to

GoddessHeart Speaks

our monthly newsletter for Enlightened Moms and Evolved Kids!

* Email
First Name
Last Name
* = Required Field

The Mother's Manual Sampler
Follow My Work!
Follow Me and See
What Other Projects
I Am Up To!



Protective Prayer

Find Us On Facebook

Follow me on Twitter

"Biblical Marriage Not Defined Simply As One Man, One Woman: Iowa Religious Scholars' Op-Ed http://t.co/tubMcGZVby via @huffpostgay Good read"