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peaceful conflict resolution

Balanced Discipline 2 – 8 Tips from THE MOTHER’S MANUAL

    Everyone has her/his culture, upbringing, “genetic karmic” conditioning.  Some of these ideas may be fabulous, while others are repressive, confining, stultifying.

Because Source/the Presence was with me as I/we brought forth THE MOTHER’S MANUAL, A SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL GUIDE TO CHILD REARING AND MOTHERHOOD, (www.TheMothersManual.com ), I’m quoting directly from the book on Discipline.

    “Avoid hitting your child. Hitting and loving are different. The

phrase ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’ from a parent’s mouth

when the parent is administering a spanking, beating or whooping

rings false to every child who has ever heard it. Hitting teaches that

might makes right. Smacking teaches bullying. Saying ‘because I

say so, that’s why,/ though a common-enough phrase that can slip

past many mothers’ mouths, is also an ineffective tool for teaching

and discipline. If you yourself do not know why you are saying it

or having your child do it, learn, so you can explain it to your child

in a sensible understandable manner. Children are actually smart

and often understand way more than adults give the child credit for.

 

“Reserve commands for emergencies.

 

“When you develop trust with your child, this little person, especially

when young, often desires to do what you say. Children like

to please. They like to fit into a loving situation. This adaptability

is built into them, as surely as the innate ability to crawl, walk and

evolve. Definitely, there are times when your child must do as you say

in that exact moment without the child understanding why. It may

be a matter of saving her life. You can use special language that you

set up in advance with your child so she knows when and if these

times occur. Be sure to respect this and use it sparingly and judiciously.

 

“These are the times when commands can be used wisely.

 

“If you were brought up with corporeal punishment, being hit,

and you think hitting is the only way or the most effective way to

discipline or teach respect to your child, please think again. Smacking,

hitting and/or beating are a very limited repertoire of choices,

often rendering the mother ineffective in instilling positive methods

of discipline in her child. Citing alleged Biblical ‘spare the rod and

spoil the child’ is a way to justify and rationalize violence to one’s

child.

 

“Look into alternatives.

 

“1. Learn when you are reaching your

limit of patience.

 

“2.  Have several people as alternate child caregivers

for just such times.

 

“3.  Have quiet activities your child can enjoy

and benefit from.

 

“4.  Find classes for wee ones, so you have pauses in

mothering.

 

“5.  Take classes yourself in positive methods of peaceful

discipline.

 

“6. Develop patience, ingenuity, clarity, coping skills, creativity

within yourself.

 

” 7. Meditate.

 

” 8.  Develop your own internal discipline

with love, and your child will also energetically emulate you.”

 

There is also the Reward method.  Set up a chart with chores and the like, and when the child performs them, give the child a star.  When the child refuses to do his agreed-upon responsibilities, the child can get a different mark.  Privileges can be awarded or taken away based on this chart.

 

Never ever humiliate your child, whether alone or in the midst of people.  Always respect yourself and your child as Beings of Light.  Take your child away from a group, and speak to her about inappropriate behavior.  When tihis manner of dealing with your child is extablished early on, your child will come to expect it.  This doesn’t mean she will like it, just that she will refrain from balking.  The alternative would be to have that private conversation in the midst of people, which would be contrary to his liking.

Work out signals, raising eyebrows, a “look,” a hand movement so your child knows when she is moving into the inappropriate zone.  As mom, catch stuff in the early stages, rather than waiting for a blow-up.  The brain gets into a loop, so by the time behavior gets into the hysterical screaming fit phase, often the child is unable to stop, nor, sometimes, can the adult.

Give childrfen alternate modes of behavior.  Teach them how  to recognize when they, themselves, are feeling upset, worried, angry, sad, resentful, and the like, so the child can self-correct rather than go into blow-up mode without understanding what’s going on inside them.  If you, Mom, are out of touch with your own feelings, this is the perfect time for you to learn.

We are at a nexus in human consciousness upliftment.  Despite some of the absolute insanity we see occuring in our lives, our families, politics, the world, we are more enlightened than that.  We are the arbiters of our lives, with our connection to Source/the Presence within ourselves and everywhere.  Take this opportunity to evolve yourself.  It’s the greatest game in town.

What are you ideas?  Techniques?  How do you create peaceful conflict resolution in yourself?  Your family?  The world?

 

Be blessed!!!!

 

Love,

MamaHeart

Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com

www.ReleaseFamilyKarma.Eventbrite.com

1.888.757.3223 or 1.888.75 PEACE

Balanced Discipline 1 – Is There Such a Thing?

What’s the most effective and peaceful method to discipline children?  There seem to be parents who still hold with the “spoil the rod, spoil the child” philosophy, happily hitting, beating and smacking their child, justifying this behavior by quoting the Bible.  On the other opposite end, there are parents who refrain from having any level of accountability or responsibility requirement for their children, nor do some of these parents hold their children to any decent standards of behavior.

Both of these polarities can have dire consequences for both the children and parents, as well as the world.  We all have to be accountable for our thoughts, language, behavior, and the consequences of our actions or inactions.  Nobody gets a free ride, as we are all here to evolve.

Clearly, every child is different, requiring unique approaches.  Also, every child needs parental attention, love, care, and understanding.  When parents refuse to deal with their kids, hoping that somehow, magically, their kids will “do the right thing,” and that no one should ever tell them (the parents) anything negative about their children, these very parents are living in a fantasy.

Moms, Dads, ask people who see your kids in settings where you are absent — as in school, other people’s homes, the playground, sports, after-school programs — how your children behave, and how these other people perceive your children.  Regularly, speak with your child about how life is going for them.  Refuse to accept a grunt as an answer.

Hitting, beating, smacking, any corporeal punishment teaches that might makes right, that physical violence is acceptable under certain circumstances, that bullying has a place.  Being hit is demeaning.  Yes, some kids may stop their inappropriate behavior, yet what has that child learned?  Has that child learned why their behavior had been objectionable?  Has the child learned how to self regulate?  Does the child maintain self respect?

Being hit harms a child’s sense of self, has the child think less of her or him self.  When a parent, supposedly a person who loves a child, then physically hurts that child, the child can get an internally twisted idea of live, even if the child has the intellectual and emotional capacity to distinguish punishment from loving actions.

Start early, when your child is a toddler.  TALK to your child.  Explain why certain behavior is acceptable, while other actions are unacceptable.  Have the child think about this.  Perhaps, the child can draw a picture, act out a scenario, or see something on a good video or child TV show that will demonstrate the lesson you are in the midst of teaching.  Time out is also good.  Taking away or awarding privileges are effective techniques.

As a parent, be sure what you require of your child is age appropriate.  A foolish parent will expect a child in a high chair to eat with the manners of a cultured adult.  This child will sometimes play with her or his food.  This is okay.  Yes, I know, some parents require strict obedience and adherence to adult etiquette, even, for example, the parent, speaking in a very stern harsh tone to the child, then turning the child and high chair to the wall, rather than facing and participating with the family.    This kind of behavior, for example, needs to be avoided, as the child can get nervous about ever pleasing this parent.

Balanced Discipline 2 – Is There Such a Thing? will give 7 ideas you can implement in your home with children of various ages.

What are your thoughts?  What are your experiences?

May you have a blessed day with yourself, your children, your mate, your world!!!!

Love,

MamaHeart

Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com

Audrye@TheMothersManual.com

1.888.757.3223 or 1.888.75 PEACE

 

Healing 3 Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

What can a mom or dad do to earn being called a “monster” or “poisonous”?

 

Let’s look at Seven Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents

 

1.  The Bully Mom or Dad

This is the parent, who, even with the best of intentions, forces her or his child to do what s/he wants exactly in that moment.  “Eat your food now!!!! Everyone is waiting for you to finish!!! You are holding up everyone being ready to leave for the movies!!!”  Any of this said with a threatening tone to a child in a high chair or to a toddler, even if Mom or Dad is on her or his seeming last nerve, can absolutely be termed a bully parent.

 

Will the child comply?

 

At some point, yes, so the parent can justify her or his behavior, with the proverbial, “See?  It worked!  Now my daughter (or son) is behaving nicely.  I was right to do what I did.”

 

A better approach is to find out why the child is resisting or refusing to do what is requested.  Also, for Mom or Dad to examine their request, determining if the request is required to be completed at that very second, if there’s another way to speak to the child, if there’s something going on within the child that needs to be addressed.  None of us operate solely on the surface.  Babies, toddlers, children operate on many levels, including when they are preverbal.

 

2.   The “Ridiculing” Mom or Dad

 

“You are being ridiculous wearing that outfit.  You look like an idiot!” says a seemingly well-meaning parent, in her or his zeal to have their offspring look good, in their eyes, and what the parent takes to the eyes of their friends, workers, neighbors, society.

 

“Everyone is able to run at this age.  Why are you so slow?  Are you just stupid?” jeers another parent to her/his child, in the parent’s effort to get his/her child up to speed, in the parent’s world overview.

This type of behavior absolutely undermines the child’s sense of self, as well as invalidates the child’s progress.  Yes, we can all feel impatient with ourselves, our children, society, anything.  This is less than no justification to mock or ridicule a child.  This can also be seen as an aspect of the bullying parent.

 

If you find yourself doing any of this — and the best of parent can slip sometimes — immediately rectify it.  Apologize to your child for your words, attitude and behavior.  Let your child know you love him/her, and that you, too, are constantly learning.  Then find a more enlightened way to express what needs to be done.  If you need help, read www.TheMothersManual.com or attend the Enlightened Mom Teleseminar series and Enlightened Mom Coaching Program.

3.  The “Impossible-to-Please” Mom or Dad

I will take this right out of my own life.  When I was a child, I earned report-card grades in the 90s in all my subjects.  My mom would see this, and, though she said, “Good work,” she then added, “Why don’t you get higher?  Is this the best you can do?”  This was said in less than an approving, loving voice.

 

This may have stimulated another kind of child, encouraging her or him to work harder.  For me, however, I felt that my mom would never be satisfied with what I did.   I needed some acknowledgment and validation.  What happened was that as I got older, I felt my mom had no concept of what I did, what it tood for me to do any of what I did, and that she had no sense of how to actually encourage.

 

Of course, this stemmed from her upbringing where she was belittled and made to feel less-than from her mom.  She never “worked on” this, and continued this behavior with her children, thinking that she was doing a great job.

 

So you know, before my mom left the Earth, she and I had more than made up, forgiven ourselves and one another for our sometimes clashing behavior.  I love her and treasure her.  That little Scorpio Dragon was a great “adversary” who taught me how to deal with challenging people.

 

Any of us can fall into these three categories.  Any of us can still be feeling the effects of these and other categories of “Monster” Mom or “Poisonous Parent.”   If you would like more tips on how to heal from what you experienced from your Mom, and to avoid perpetuating this pattern, contact me at 1 888.757.3223 or 1 888.75 PEACE.  Also, www.TheMothersManual.com.

 

To have peace on the planet, we start at home, within ourselves and our families.

 

Many Bessings & Love,

 

MamaHeart

Audrye

 

A Good Mom Knows When to Get Support

   A good mother knows when to ask for support.  This is before any crisis occurs.  Everyone has to know when she (or he) has taken on more than she can handle.  We all get signals within us, whether a feeling of dizziness, a stomachache, lack of sleep, overscheduled days, the Inner Guidance (different from the chattering internal dialog) or what-have-you.

   Good moms want the best for their children.  In the case of the Newtown, CT, tragedy, there were signals throughout this young man’s life that he needed more help than his mother could give.

    Was it appropriate that the young man’s brother was “supposed to” be his brother’s caretaker?  Only up to a point.  All persons have to have the opportunity and possibility of living their lives, especially as a youngster.  All siblings are meant to help one another, definitely.  This is different from one sibling being responsible for another one, especially if the one needing help has a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual dysfunction.  Dysfunctionality requires expert open-hearted competent help.

    When individuals or a group are always silent, refusing to express their feelings, needs, opinions, desires or anything germane to who they are, this is generally a signal that something is askew.  Often, this lack of response signals that energy is building up, as in a pressure cooker. Without a proper means of release, this energy can — and often may — explode.

     Just as overly angry, aggressive, resentful, dominating, manipulative people have to learn how to better manage their emotions and deal with the underpinnings of what is truly going on within them, so, too, do people who hide everything inside without sharing anything anywhere with anyone.

     It is tragic that this young man, likely with his mom’s best intentions, did not get the help he needed.

     To have him living in a household rife with guns, plus bringing him to a shooting range, was incredibly foolish.   Perhaps target shooting was his mom’s way to release her own stress.  Perhaps she thought target shooting gave her some control over a tenuous challenging home situation. If these were some of her motivations, she was also acting out, rather than doing her internal work.

    Both people needed help.

    Neither got what they needed.

    This is something for all of us to look at within ourselves, our families, our lives. 

    Be sure you get the support you need.  Ask.  Ask.  Ask.  Find people who are competent to help you.  Be willing to give back.  Create a barter.  Find what you can give or share that will benefit the other person or someone else.  Life is an exchange of energy.

    Also, Rather than taking on everything possible, instead take on a moderate amount of “stuff” to do in your life.  Do what you have to do as well and completely as you can.

    The energy of the times is that of flux, transformation, evolution, where each and every one of us is called up to be responsible for our own lives, while also being supportive of one another’s growth.

    Be wise in your choices. 

    Much love in the New Year!!!!

Love,

MamaHeart
Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.Audrye.org
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
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To Spank or Not to Spank? Just say NO to Spanking!

What do you think of parents slapping their kids? Do you believe in corporal punishment?  Do you hit your child?

It is inappropriate to slap, spank or hit a child.  Speak to your child, explain what’s needed and wanted for the child.  Stop the objectionable behavior, use positive reinforcement, and give at least 10 yes’s to each one no.  Have the child know she or he is still a good person.  Spare the rod, without spoiling the child.

When a parent, whether mom or dad, spanks her/his child, the parent teaches the child that hitting, bullying, violence is the way to do things.  The child learns to be manipulative and to have lower self-esteem, and feels demeaned, less-than.  Why is this?  The child was disrespected by the parent who is supposed to love the child.  This also teaches great confusion about what love is and what love does.

The child may or may not stop the objectionable behavior, not because the child learned anything but because the child prefers that the slapping or nasty verbal language and tone coming from the parent be stopped.  So, if the child has to agree with the parent, the child often will do so.  Did this mean the child learned the lesson the parent meant to teach?  No.

Have I ever hit a child? Yes. Also, afterward, I felt I was the one who made the mistake. Always.  It was a bigger lesson for me than for the child, the few times in my life that I did it, spurring me to grow spiritually.  I also apologized to the child, and explained what needed to be done.

Where are you with this?  Where are you with “spare the rod and spoil the child”? For me, it’s ridiculous. Once at a lovely event, another mom and I had a difference of opinion about this, she feeling that because the Bible ostensibly taught this, she was totally justified to smack her daughter when her daughter misbehaved.  In fact, she felt I was disparaging of her religious beliefs because I told her the Bible was written in a patriarchical age by men who often had a dominating controlling mentality.  She was in a huff.  I maintain there are better ways.

Sparing the rod and finding more enlightened ways to teach one’s child by and large brings forth a healthier child.  Yes, absolutely, discipline your child.  Be appropriately firm yet loving.  Refrain from slapping, hitting, whacking, smacking.  This means you are out of control, especially if the parent does this when the parent is angry. This is one of the reasons we still have war.

See more on Kindle and Nook with THE MOTHER’S MANUAL, A SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL GUIDE TO CHILD REARING AND MOTHERHOOD.. Just put the name in.  The entire book is on Kindle at

Check out article @http://www.everydayhealth.com/kids-health/0807/parents-spank-slap-kids-in-public-more-often-than-thought.aspx?xid=aol_eh-news_9_20120806_&aolcat=HLT&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk1%26pLid%3D189608

Put your comment here….

Lots of Love,

MamaHeart
Audrye

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
www.Audrye.org
www.GoddessHeartWater.com

www.TheMothersManual.com
www.GoddessHeart.org
www.AudryeNow.tv
www.Achee.org
www.AudryeOmArt.com
www.twitter.com/Audrye22
www.facebook.com/Audrye
www.myspace.com/Audrye22
www.linkedin.com/in/Audrye
www.ecademy.com/user/AudryeArbe
www.ecademy.com/blog/AudryeArbe
www.ConsciousLivingSpace.com/profile/Audrye
Also, WeTheWorld, eWomanPower, more

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