What can a mom or dad do to earn being called a “monster” or “poisonous”?
Let’s look at Seven Types of “Monster” Moms or “Poisonous” Parents
1. The Bully Mom or Dad
This is the parent, who, even with the best of intentions, forces her or his child to do what s/he wants exactly in that moment. “Eat your food now!!!! Everyone is waiting for you to finish!!! You are holding up everyone being ready to leave for the movies!!!” Any of this said with a threatening tone to a child in a high chair or to a toddler, even if Mom or Dad is on her or his seeming last nerve, can absolutely be termed a bully parent.
Will the child comply?
At some point, yes, so the parent can justify her or his behavior, with the proverbial, “See? It worked! Now my daughter (or son) is behaving nicely. I was right to do what I did.”
A better approach is to find out why the child is resisting or refusing to do what is requested. Also, for Mom or Dad to examine their request, determining if the request is required to be completed at that very second, if there’s another way to speak to the child, if there’s something going on within the child that needs to be addressed. None of us operate solely on the surface. Babies, toddlers, children operate on many levels, including when they are preverbal.
2. The “Ridiculing” Mom or Dad
“You are being ridiculous wearing that outfit. You look like an idiot!” says a seemingly well-meaning parent, in her or his zeal to have their offspring look good, in their eyes, and what the parent takes to the eyes of their friends, workers, neighbors, society.
“Everyone is able to run at this age. Why are you so slow? Are you just stupid?” jeers another parent to her/his child, in the parent’s effort to get his/her child up to speed, in the parent’s world overview.
This type of behavior absolutely undermines the child’s sense of self, as well as invalidates the child’s progress. Yes, we can all feel impatient with ourselves, our children, society, anything. This is less than no justification to mock or ridicule a child. This can also be seen as an aspect of the bullying parent.
If you find yourself doing any of this — and the best of parent can slip sometimes — immediately rectify it. Apologize to your child for your words, attitude and behavior. Let your child know you love him/her, and that you, too, are constantly learning. Then find a more enlightened way to express what needs to be done. If you need help, read www.TheMothersManual.com or attend the Enlightened Mom Teleseminar series and Enlightened Mom Coaching Program.
3. The “Impossible-to-Please” Mom or Dad
I will take this right out of my own life. When I was a child, I earned report-card grades in the 90s in all my subjects. My mom would see this, and, though she said, “Good work,” she then added, “Why don’t you get higher? Is this the best you can do?” This was said in less than an approving, loving voice.
This may have stimulated another kind of child, encouraging her or him to work harder. For me, however, I felt that my mom would never be satisfied with what I did. I needed some acknowledgment and validation. What happened was that as I got older, I felt my mom had no concept of what I did, what it tood for me to do any of what I did, and that she had no sense of how to actually encourage.
Of course, this stemmed from her upbringing where she was belittled and made to feel less-than from her mom. She never “worked on” this, and continued this behavior with her children, thinking that she was doing a great job.
So you know, before my mom left the Earth, she and I had more than made up, forgiven ourselves and one another for our sometimes clashing behavior. I love her and treasure her. That little Scorpio Dragon was a great “adversary” who taught me how to deal with challenging people.
Any of us can fall into these three categories. Any of us can still be feeling the effects of these and other categories of “Monster” Mom or “Poisonous Parent.” If you would like more tips on how to heal from what you experienced from your Mom, and to avoid perpetuating this pattern, contact me at 1 888.757.3223 or 1 888.75 PEACE. Also, www.TheMothersManual.com.
To have peace on the planet, we start at home, within ourselves and our families.